i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
sex in a hospital.. check
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
