Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she woke up with a sticky ear
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
