We're like a lot better than the average bears
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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