OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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