Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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