Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
