Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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