I think I am morally bankrupt
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
