a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
