Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
