Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
