Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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