Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
