8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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