The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
