we have pet lesbian snakes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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