a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
