he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
