you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize