I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
