did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize