Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
