I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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