You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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