i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
