so explain again why im purple
no
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
