You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We are two peas in an std pod
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
