is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
