Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
