yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
