Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
