All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to make a zoo with you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize