so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
