Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize