dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize