I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
