D3 body, D1 cock
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
