I met the friendliest cop last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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