FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
