wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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