The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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