just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
