I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize