Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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