i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
