Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
