Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
