Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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