He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
