i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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