Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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