Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
