he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize