theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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