chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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