I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
