I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
