You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
