I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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