I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
