I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
