Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
