Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
