She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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