It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
