he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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