OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
