So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
