there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
