WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
