I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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