listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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