Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
