Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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