I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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