By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
