Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
